


Confessions

by mydearmelancholy



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-11 00:59:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12311514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydearmelancholy/pseuds/mydearmelancholy
Summary: An AU where Eddie Kaspbrak dies as a child, and feelings are confessed right before his demise.





	Confessions

Richie Tozier watched in desperation and despair as his best friend, Eddie Kaspbrak, bled out in his arms.

Richie, Eddie, and the rest of the Losers Club had ventured into the sewers, attempting to find and stop Pennywise the dancing clown once and for all. However, the evil entity itself had appeared, luring each one of them off into the sewers and away from their friends, causing them to become lost.

Richie had begun to notice what was happening first (which made him feel like the smart one of his friends for once). First, it was Stan. Then Ben. Then Beverly. He had began to explain it to Mike and Bill when he noticed those were the only two people he was explaining it to- Eddie was gone, too.

That’s what Pennywise had lured Richie away with. It was just like back in the Neibolt house. Pennywise had lured Richie into a room filled with clowns by making him see Eddie. Now, he was being lured away by not seeing Eddie.

“Richie! Richie!” He remembered hearing his friends scream after him as he ran away, deeper into the sewers and through the wretched grey water that Eddie hated oh-so much. He hated it so much, there was no way he would have willingly gone further into it. The screams of his friends began to fade out, getting farther and farther away with each step he took. The sewer also began to become darker as he was now all alone, with only his one single flashlight, instead of six others.

However, Richie didn’t stop. His mind was racing as fast as he was. Where was Eddie? He had to find him! What had Pennywise lured him away with? He swore that if Pennywise did anything to that boy-

Suddenly, a bright light shone in Richie’s face and a high-pitched scream sounded from in front of him, causing him to scream as well. However, the light suddenly moved out of his face, and the bespectacled boy was left blinking to try to clear his vision. The person holding the light was not, however.

“Richie!” A familiar voice shouted.

The form of a familiar boy slowly began to fill his vision. He had pale skin, brown hair, brown eyes, and, of course, the cast from when he had broke his arm back in the Neibolt house.

He had found his best friend, Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Eds!” Richie cried, throwing his arms around the smaller boy.

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie hissed in the darkness, pushing the taller boy away, “Where the hell are we? Where the hell is everyone?” He demanded. Richie felt the boy shaking when they had hugged and, although he was trying to be brave, he could hear his voice trembling as well.

Richie spun around, pointing his flashlight in the direction he had come from. However, all he saw at the end of his flashlight was darkness, and all he saw other than that was grey water and the sewer walls.

“Um, I think I just went straig-“ Richie had begun, when a scream suddenly cut him off.

Richie spun back around to face his friend, as well as the new horror now presented before him.

Eddie sat on the ground, his mouth open in a silent scream. Richie had never seen a human being shake so much. He swore right then and there Eddie was going to die from a heart attack. Hell, maybe that’d be a better death than what he was sure to die from now...

...because Pennywise had just ripped his arm off.

Somehow, Pennywise had crept up on them without either one of them hearing. Or, maybe, they had both been too distracted. It didn’t matter though, Pennywise was always sneaking up on them anyways. That’s what Richie was trying to tell himself as his mind immediately began to blame himself for not stopping this, anyway.

“Yuck!” The clown suddenly said, spitting the arm he had bitten off out. For the first time, Richie took his eyes off of Eddie and slowly looked up at the clown, which said, “I can’t eat anything because of that cast!”

Before he even knew it, Richie was down in the water- now turned bloody red- beside Eddie. He wasn’t sure he had actually chosen to, though. He was shaking just as much as Eddie and his legs had just given out.

Richie also wasn’t sure if he had just blocked everything out because of shock or if Eddie had just started screaming now.

Richie, for once in his life, didn’t know what to say.

Instead, he just grabbed Eddie.

Richie pulled his still-screaming friend into his chest, letting his back rest on his knees and his limp body sprawl across him. Richie shuddered as Eddies head swung back, his eyes void and staring up at the roof of this God forsaken sewer.

However, Eddie was still screaming. Richie tried to reason with himself. That was a good thing, right? That he was still conscious? However, looking at the wound, the arm that lay in the water, and all of the blood filling said water as well as staining both of their clothes, Richie knew he wouldn’t be conscious for long.

Then Richie did the only thing he knew how to do.

Talk.

“Eddie? Hey, hey, Ed-Eddie,” he managed to get out, sounding a little like his friend Bill with the stutter.

Eddie had stopped screaming at the sound of Richies voice. However, this creeped Richie out even more, as now he stared at the roof with the same void-look in his eyes, but his mouth was moving like a fish out of water desperately grasping for air.

Maybe that’s what he needs, Richie thought. Everyone knew Eddies illnesses were bullshit, even Eddie himself. Still, Richie had felt the need to carry an extra inhaler in his pocket- just in case.

Reaching into said pocket, Richie pulled out the inhaler. He put it to Eddies mouth and pulled the trigger several times, allowing his friend to suck in as much air as possible.

Taking the inhaler away, he saw Eddie blink. He seemed to almost come back to life.

“Rich?” Eddie rasped.  
“Shhh, hush. Save your energy, ok? It’ll be ok Eds, you’ll be ok! I promise, everything will be ok, ok?” Richie said, his voice raising in pitch towards the end as he grew more desperate.

However, it wasn’t just desperation Richie was feeling. It wasn’t just sadness for losing his best friend since they were little grade-school children, either. It was something Richie had never truly felt before, but somehow, with this never-before-felt ache in his chest, he knew what it was.

Heartbreak.

Richie had never had a girlfriend. He had a girl best friend, Bev, and he had hooked up with a few girls before, but that was it. He had never even really had a crush.

Now, with Eddie Kaspbrak bleeding out in his arms, Richie realized why he had never had a crush or girlfriend before, as well as why he had chased after Eddie but not Stan, Ben or Beverly.

It was because he was in love with Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Well?” A voice suddenly said. Richie, still kneeling in the disgusting water, slowly turned his head to look into what appeared to be the everlasting darkness of the sewer. Without even shining a light, he saw the familiar form of a clown.

“Are you gonna tell him?”

Richie felt his heart pound and he looked back at Eddie, who had a single tear running down his cheek, but he was alive, and he was looking at Richie sadly, though smiling.

“You know he’s going to die,” the clown- no, the fucking DEMON- taunted.  
“SHUT UP!” Richie shouted, hearing his voice echo around the now what appeared to be completely empty tunnel. He had forgotten about his other friends. Eddie was all that mattered right now. Eddie was all that had ever mattered.

It seemed like it was just Eddie and him in the world now. In fact, Eddie was his world, and now, he lay bleeding out in his arms and into the water he hated oh-so much.

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Richie screamed at the clown once more, his voice cracking. His vision became blurry and his eyes stung. His chest and throat were so tight that he himself was seconds away from using the inhaler.

“You’re gonna be alright, Eds, ok?” Richie started to comfort his friend again, but Eddie reached a finger up to his lips to silence him.

“Richie, I gotta...” Eddie began, pausing to gulp for air, “I gotta... I gotta tell you something. What it meant when it asked if I was... if I was gonna... if I was gonna tell you,” he finally got out.

Richie’s brows furrowed in confusion. Wasn’t the clown talking to him?

“I... I love you, Richie,” Eddie said, smiling, “I swear I’ve loved you for so long. S-since we were little kids, I think. I’m sorry, I know you’ll think it’s weird, but-but I also know I’m going t-to die,” Eddie stuttered out as fast as possible, still trying to suck air into his lungs.

Richie stared at Eddie, in shock at this revelation. He was about to confess his feelings back, but he realized he might not have time. He might not have time to confess, and he might not have time to do what he really wanted to do.

Stretching his neck downward, Richie kissed Eddie.

It felt like heaven, the way their lips locked.

Richie wished they had done it before, because, as much as he told Eddie it would be ok, he knew it really wasn’t going to be. Not for Eddie physically, and certainly not for Richie mentally or emotionally ever again.

In those lips, though, he swore all their happy memories returned. He closed his eyes and lived them, so vividly he swore it was some cruel fucking trick Pennywise was playing. He kept his eyes closed, however, and he faced the fact he would never make any more of these happy memories with Eddie.

He saw them as children. He saw them at the arcade. At each others houses. Having sleepovers. At the quarry. At school. Teasing each other. Biking. Laughing.

Although it made him happy for a moment, it didn’t distract him from the real problem at hand, from the boy he loved dying in his arms.

Pulling away finally, sadly and reluctantly, knowing it would be their first and last kiss, Richie saw some colour had returned to Eddies ghost-white face, and a huge smile had spread across it.

Richie pushed hair out of Eddies eyes, and sniffled, forcing a smile.

“Don’t worry, ok? I’m gonna get you help. Our friends are gonna come any minute now, I promise. I won’t leave you here,” Richie said.

Eddie wrinkled his nose and said, “No, Richie. I know I’m small but you need to leave my body here. You don’t even know the way out, you can’t carry my dead, one armed-body on your back. Besides, I guess the grey water isn’t that bad,” he attempted a laugh, which broke into a sob and a dry cough, though blood squirted from his lips.

Richie stared at his friend, eyes wide- bigger than Eddie had ever seen, and that was saying something, since Richies glasses caused his eyes to appear bigger than they actually were- and he was shaking.

“D-don’t say that again Eddie, o-ok? I-I love you, Eddie,” Richie said, though it seemed as if he was in denial and trying to reassure himself more than he was trying to reassure Eddie.

“I love you, Eds,” Richie said, loudly and confidently enough that it echoed around the whole sewer.

“For the last time Richie, don’t call me that...” Eddie said, trailing off as his limp body rolled to the side, remaining arm falling into the water and his eyes rolling back.

Richie sobbed and held onto his friend.

“No, no, Eddie, please, please wake up Eddie, God, please,” he mumbled and slurred as he sobbed, staring down at the boy that he loved’s lifeless body through blurry vision.

Suddenly, laughter erupted from deeper in the sewer and Richie looked up, once again seeing the demon in the form of Pennywise the dancing clown standing, hidden in the shadows, watching.

Although his heart was broken and beating much harder and faster than it should have been, Richie suddenly realized that his heart wasn’t beating like that because of the clown before him. He realized clowns weren’t really his biggest fear after all.

It was losing Eddie Kaspbrak, the boy he loved more than anyone else in the entire world. The world that would never be the same now that he was gone.


End file.
